Phillips personality thing

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

new years 2010

wow its been a year already-
so much has changed.

i'd like to think that i've done alittle bit of growing up, but this trip has eventuated in the realisation that instead of moving forward like I had envisioned at the beginning of last year, I've not only taken steps back, I may also have de-matured :X

so I guess the goal i'm setting for myself this year is to JUST FUCKING GROW UP.

i need to grow up about you. I know that I should but I just can't seem to let you go. It's even harder now because I can see you growing further and further apart from me against my will and anything within my power. fuck.

granted, i haven't done anything this year that I regret - so at least thats an improvement from last year.




We're just dancing
we're just hugging,
singing, screaming, kissing,
tugging on the sleeve of how it used to be.

happy 2010

x

at first it started as a joke, but its becoming the crux of everything under the sun.

we have nothing in common

and now im just resenting this friendship.

its been a while - but FUCK YOU.

you're a fucking idiot. FUCK.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKK

end of semester

as the end of semester one 2009 officially draws to a close, marking the firsts of many, in my life

- i feel aloof.

tell me i'm over you

Say that I'm changed, say I'm different
Maybe I'll finally understand
Say I'll let go, say it's obvious
Oh, I tell myself over, over and over again

I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe


So tell me I'm strong, tell me I'm weak
Tell me I'll never, ever bend
Then tell me I'm fire, tell me I'm cold
Cold oh, I tell myself over, over and over again

I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe

And all the world can watch the choices you make
All the world can watch each tiny mistake
Let the world watch to let the world wait for you

So tell me I'm wrong, or tell me I'm cruel
Tell me I'd fight, yeah tell me I fought for the wrong things

But I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe
I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe

sigh

it hit at the dawn of the eve in which i failed so sleep at all, what i feel towards what i did cannot even begin to be spelt out into words. 

It hit like a big ball of realisation the stupidity with which i acted that night, the things that seemed to come out of my mouth, out of someone that i barely knew. Why would anyone talk about their closest friends like that? Why would anyone talk about people like that in general? I just can't fathom how the brain i once thought so logical would lead towards such actions. Such stupidity, cowardice and down right nastiness. 

Safe to say it was not my shining moment. 

i turned into something else last year, and it took the weight of that one event and talks from close friends to really turn me around, to really look at myself in the mirror and see the creature i had become. i regret to have ever left myself fall like that. but the deepest regret is that i had let the people closest to me feel the full impact. 

i cannot express the sorry i wish to say over and over again, and i wish it never happened but its foolish to think that way. All i guess i can say is i apologise deeply infinity times over and hope you all understand. 

if i was to go back in time right now, that would be the one thing i would change in the past, nothing else, just that. the tipping point.

The past year for me was dark and even though i didn't realise it at the time, i was falling. What J once talked to me about - i now realise was all true, even though i denied it at the time. 

I hope i never turn back into the fool i once was.

the words left unspoken.

what are we doing?

i don't know

falling in love

do you want to get back together?

i don't know

i can't because it would hurt too much if i couldn't see you everyday 

what do you want then?

i want you to go out and get yourself a girlfriend

i want you to say you don't want anyone else but me